I hate your face
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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