I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
