So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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