She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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