The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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