Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize