alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
