yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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