i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
