Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
