I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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