At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
