people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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