I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
