Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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