I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize