Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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