Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize