It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize