the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Please don't give away my fajitas
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