im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
