dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Randomize
