it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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