I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
