Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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