Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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