YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
