Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just forgot I was standing up.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
