yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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