i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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