I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
