Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
