the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
