I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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