Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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