Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
