They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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