His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
