ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
