Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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