paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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