hell yes lets make some ravioli
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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