I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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