I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
