goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize