Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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