Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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