someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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