Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Randomize
