Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
fuck your aforementioned shoe
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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