i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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