I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
