I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Buhtt sex?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
