Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
