They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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