1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
