i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
