She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
