never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
