uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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