i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize