Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
So many bounce houses so little time
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
