Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
