K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
