God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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