Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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