Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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