i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
