Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
