I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
