I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
