So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
