Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
