that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
