Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
