why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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