There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
