I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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