okay pat passed out under dana's car
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Randomize
