I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
