She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
