A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
