i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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