My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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