I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
