She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
