When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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