if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We had sex on a dog bed..
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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