it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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