i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
