But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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