This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
