you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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