remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
