I wanna passion pit in your ass
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
