WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
