I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
