I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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