I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
