Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
